What I've been reflecting on: Loving in a way that makes others feel free.

"Love in a way that the person you love feels free." - Thich Nhat Hanh

A lot of you know that i've been on a Buddhism kick lately, thanks in large part to the Secular Buddhism podcast put on by Noah Rasheta. In a recent episode, Rasheta referenced the above quote from Thich Nhat Hanh. It made me pause, since I'm not too far off getting married to a girl I've had a major crush on for the past ten years. One of the things I love about our relationship is, everything else being equal, we are stable, secure, and independent within a very loving and together partnership.

But that hasn't always been the case for me. At points in past relationships my own anxieties, insecurities, and personal issues have made me uncomfortable with and even controlling of my partner's behaviour. For example, I can distinctly remember feeling that I'd rather my now ex-girlfriend not go get a drink with an old fling, and getting into a disagreement about it. I lacked trust.

I look back now and see that I lacked trust not because my partner wasn't trustworthy, but because I lacked the self-worth to trust. I loved, but I loved in a way that managed my insecurities. I loved until the person I was with did something that pushed on an anxiety of mine, and then I reacted negatively. I most certainly did not love in a way that made the other person feel free.

I think the quote up top says a lot about a way to love that moves past those anxieties towards a depth of love that is fully acknowledging and embracing of another's whole humanity. It's a humble, secure love, and a love that knows that no matter what happens, you're OK.

I think it's a love that's hard to find, but probably worth striving for.

See you next time.